A Website in 2020?
10.22.2020 – South Bend Chocolate Company – Carmel, Indiana
What is this website and for what reasons did I make it? It seems like a legitimate question. And it is a question for which there are a few answers…
My initial idea, which I expressed to Pete, my most creative and out-of-the-box friend, was to try to figure out a way to monetize all of the stuff I have done. I have traveled now to 15 countries, I’ve wrestled at the highest (or highest sans-Wrestlemania/WWE) levels, I have trained with some of the best and toughest, worked for celebrities, nabbed a weird modeling gig or two, I have written extensively, and I have recorded 80-ish episodes of a podcast chronicling the insane stories along the way. There has to be something to that. Plenty of humans who have done less (or are less interesting) have figured out ways to make a living off such things. I must have some niche, if not my own unique niche that appeals to the masses. And here we are. I still do not know what my exact angle is, but I’ve had a lot of fun putting this together. I have also managed to spend and exorbitant amount of time on it.
The other, more morbid idea behind this was to leave a memorial of the things I have accomplished. I do not know if I am trying to prove something to myself, to others, or to those who know me best while I am here or after I am gone. Regardless, this site organizes a few of the cool parts of my existence. I hate the thought that I would waste any moment of our limited time on this Earth. I have an irrational fear of death. I am also insecure in most regards. I am sure it goes back to my childhood, never being a cool kid, always being questioned for my worth (which in middle school is getting picked last for dodgeball, obviously). “Here is what I have done. Here is the list, the pics, the proof. I have done these things. You cannot argue against these facts.”
My second irrational fear is forgetting all these things myself. As time goes on, I find myself forgetting small facts, words, and moments. I cannot put together sentences as eloquently and coherently as I once could. At 17, I never thought about brain trauma or concussions, or simply aging. Now a few years later, I have an entirely new angle. These are not complaints or me seeking pity because I would make many of the same exact choices again if given a second chance.
I have always kept very detailed notes about every match and show I have done. The document, both the physical and digital are now pretty hefty, even in small font. I look back occasionally and recall random shows and cities I had completely spaced, and it puts me at ease. This can serve the same purpose for me. Scouring my external hard drive has done the exact same things for me. I nearly forgot about the incredible family dinner I was invited to in Bignan, France or enjoying the black-colored “squid-ink” pizza with my buddy Alex in Tokyo.
Here we are, a mess of thoughts and ideas. Little rhyme, but a lot of reason. Let me know what you think.
