Chaos, Part 1

February 17, 2023 - The Friendly Coffee Lounge - Berwyn, Illinois - 8:24PM

My life is pretty chaotic currently, but I'm keeping it together. And occasionally even achieving a certain level of zen from time to time. I am sitting in a coffee shop and bar in Chicago right now. I rode up with some friends. We have a show tomorrow in Wisconsin and they went to a show in Chicago tonight. I didn't really want to go. About eight months ago I sent message to the promoter saying very specifically that I would love to be a part of his show but only if I would be a main focus of the company. I no longer have a desire to be cannon fodder for some kid who has yet to pay a due. The kids who always get referred to as having “potential,” but one day are an afterthought and if their names even come up at all, the word “wasted” must be added in front of the word potential. Those humans, have no place in what we do.

The promoter never responded.

I ended and five-year chapter of my life. I don't know how to move forward, but I will. My dad fades a little more away from living every day. I don't know how to move forward, but I will. I took a huge loan and risk on my own training facility, and most of my students disappeared immediately after. I'm hemorrhaging money, but I am optimistic and will move forward. I took another job, then got blindsided with triple the hours at my original gym gig, so now I'm balancing four places of employment, but no time to waste worrying about it... Just back to work.

My autumn trip to Northern Europe was incredible. One of my closest friends was able to join me and we were on the same exact page with pretty much everything. We saw historic cities, sights, hit incredible gyms, and had some killer matches. We jumped in the half-frozen lake in Finland. I've never felt more alive. Leave Europe wanting more.

I just finished my coffee. It's 8:32 Central Time.